The Last Fairy Tale

Do you believe in fairies,
That when you suffer caries
You place your tooth beneath your pillow and
While you are fast asleep,
Into your room will creep
A creature from a magic wonderland?

Do you believe this fairy
While you slumber, unwary,
Will take your tooth and leave a coin in place?
Do you believe such things
Exist as elves, gremlins?
And can you maintain this with a straight face?

Elves and gremlins are shite,
But fairies, you are right
To suppose they exist, except they’re not
The little creatures who
At night time visit you
To swap your tooth for sixpence and such rot.

Instead, fairies are maggots,
Except we call them faggots,
And they don’t visit boys, but grown up men,
They meet them in queer pubs,
And special wankers’ clubs,
And fuck each others’ arse again, again.

Not only do they fuck them,
They rim and fist and suck them,
And most get through a dozen fags a week,
AC/DC are some:
When they’ve finished a bum,
They’ll fuck a bird, or turn the other cheek.

And this they dare call gay
It makes me sick to say,
But such filth won’t go on for much longer,
For as doctors suspected,
Most have now been infected
With AIDS, a killer that is growing stronger.

To put it quite succinct,
Gays will soon be extinct,
Then who will leave the sixpence for your tooth?
The real fairy, that’s who!
Don’t say you’ve not a clue:
Your Dad, as always, that’s the prosaic truth!

[The above was first published in Scatoligicus Eroticum, February 1993.]

Back To Poetry Index