Chief Whip

Dear Mr Proctor, Harvey if I may,
With all that’s recently been writ and said
You still insist you’re not a kink or gay,
Despite that Arab underneath your bed?

You’re said to favour bringing back the birch,
Of course you do, but sir, it ill-becomes
A member of your party and the Church
To be accused of spanking rent boys’ bums.

And now you’ve been charged, and you’re up in court,
Perhaps, eventually, your name you’ll clear,
At present you’ve still got your ward’s support,
Though how long that will last, I’ve no idea.

But things could be worse, so don’t get depressed,
You’re not in the same boat as poor Keith Best.

[The above was first published in Wrong Side Of The River. See also Whip Me, Harvey in the anthology Take It Like A Man, and the cartoon (from the Voice newspaper) in the Cartoon Gallery.]

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