My Dear Father,

I have now reached manhood, I have a good degree from a prestigious British University, and these past few months I have been thinking deeply about how I can make a meaningful contribution to the future: to my future, the future of our family, and the future of Islam.

I am concerned particularly with the plight of our people the world over, and how to save them from the clutches of the white scum.

I have considered a number of options.

One was to join one of the charities working for the relief of the poor and oppressed in the Middle East. I gave this some serious consideration, but all these charities, or most of them, are run by the white scum.

I thought about studying to become an Imam in order to preach the gospel of hatred against the white scum, but none of the mosques in Leeds cater for this particular brand of Islam.

I even thought about studying to become a doctor or failing that a paramedic so that I could emigrate to some Islamic state and work for the welfare of the people there, but there would be many obstacles to this, and I have not the time, application or patience to apply myself to such a task. I have decided therefore to become a suicide bomber.

Well, face it Dad, it’s a lot more romantic than working in a poxy chip shop.

Seriously my beloved father, I know you will be proud of me, even though you will have to shake your head in disbelief for the consumption of the British public lest they tar you with the same brush. Secretly though you will praise your most worthy son for destroying so many of the white scum in the name of Sheikh Bin Laden and to further the glory of Islam, the only true religion of the oppressed brown peoples of the world.

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